I have so many half-done posts and I'm not exactly proud of it. I had the intention of continuing my Japan trip posts but when it comes to writing and expressing things, you need the mood to actually do it. I used to write when I'm sad (I have a private journal) just because it made me feel so much better but there was always a need for all those times that I had to write.
So today, I'm writing because I feel empty?
I'm three weeks into my final year (OMG I know, it feels as if I got into uni just yesterday) and I'm so busy that I've never really had time for myself lately. Unfortunate but it's time to get serious. Throughout my 2 years here, I've always been a borderline first but because of what I went through emotionally last semester (I feel), my overall grades (along with my ability to socialize) dropped so I'm motivated to do really well this year.
What have I been up to this academic year?
I also have a final year project that I'm working on. To briefly summarise it, I have to define 'dexterity demand' and then from that, design a puzzle that requires high dexterity demand based on my definition. For all of you who doesn't know what dexterity is, it's difficult to really define it as everyone would define it differently but it is basically a skill that involves voluntary movements to carry out tasks. It seems very simple but after talking to Anna (a PhD student that's helping me out), I've realised that you could go so much deeper into defining it. I've been really excited about this project especially after talking to Jen (my supervisor) and Anna so I hope that throughout this 'journey', this project wouldn't turn into a burden.
Since I'm doing my masters now (it technically is), I've realised how a lot of my modules are based on researches. Therefore, I would have to read a lot. Can't be slacking off anymore because it's no longer about the text books and it's no longer about calculating what the force is and things like that. It makes me nervous but at the same time, I've had really interesting lecturers teaching my modules especially for Building Physics. I can do a 9AM no problem for his class.
A lot of things happened during my summer break and I feel really sad that I'm not living with my family and that my best friends aren't a drive away anymore. But since I got back, my homies here have been nothing but supportive (and very realistic). And my sister is only a few hours away (she goes to Oxford Brookes) so that's really exciting. After two years of not doing anything for my birthday, I finally did this year! My sister and I went to London (bless her for taking some time out) and I honestly really appreciated it. We walked around to museums and galleries. Also had cake and went shopping. When we had to leave, I felt really sad but of course I didn't show it. I'm not attached to her or anything but I now wish that she goes here or somewhere closer instead (even though I initially told her not to).
My circle of friends has extremely shrunk but I do feel closer to the ones that have been with me for the past few years especially after all the arguments and banter that we've had. I haven't been involved with any society activities because I really want to concentrate on me this year but it has been a bit difficult not socialising. Also, isn't it amazing how last year, Amir and I directed SKY but this year, Hannah and Zafran are leading it. I'm extremely excited for them and I know that they can do better than what we did last year but as a previous director, I still have my worries. I keep some thoughts to myself but some, I don't. Up until now, they don't really need my help but Zafran is starting to feel what I felt last year and I believe he's going to learn a lot from it.
On a different note, I go to the gym now! OMG I know, me and the gym sounds a bit off but FOR GRADUATION! I did some yoga fusion the other day, got me in pain for three days. Felt like I just came back from snowboarding but I look forward for the next session (or at least I try to tell myself).
And I think this is worth mentioning, my skin has gotten so much better and I'm not even using that many products. Also, I've been a big massive believer of Korean skincare but I'm currently using a Japanese cleanser, toner, sunscreen and moisturiser with Bio-oil. My bb cream is however, Korean so it's still there somewhere. But I am so glad to have found those products. So much love and appreciation for them. Hoping to blog about them but knowing me, I probably won't.
I think this treated a bit of the emptiness I feel but I hope to figure out how to actually get rid of it, properly.