Coming here, I knew that I would miss birthdays, weddings and celebrations. I expected them and I came to accept them. What I recently only came to realise is that I would also miss being there for my family and friends when they need me. Recently, Mak was admitted to the hospital and the fact that I couldn't be there to visit her and support her pained me so much. My grandaunt also just passed away but I was unable to at least go to her funeral. And just a few days back, my best friend had to go through something unimaginable.
Through all these events that happened in the past month, I realised that the most I could do was text those people. And that was it. It pains me so much that I know how much they're hurting and I know how much I'm needed but there's nothing that I could do about it.
J, I don't know how it feels. But I know that you're strong. The fact that you're keeping yourself together through those fake smiles, fake laughs and fake happiness makes me so upset because we can't be there for you. There's nothing that we can do for you but you hold it in there, we'll wait for the time when you can start expressing your feelings. No pressure. It takes time and we understand. We won't leave so it doesn't matter how long it takes, we'll be here. When we're all back in Malaysia, I promise that we'll be that comfort that you couldn't find where you are now. The only reason why I'm not personally telling you this is because I don't want you to feel obligated to reply because it's tough constructing sentences. Our prayers are with you.