Here I Am
I've had good weeks lately and even this week was good until just a moment ago when I realised that all of this trying to seem put together is actually a bit tiring. So, to show up for myself and to treat myself with care, I've decided to step out of the house to take it in... under the sun, out in public where people can see me ugly crying. Does that sound depressing yet? It doesn't, right?
It's probably because as you'd imagine, with the feeling of the sun on you, the breeze flowing by just cool enough to make you comfortable and with the birds chirping in the background... it's quite hard to be kept deep in your negative thoughts. Which reminds me of Yen's advice - she told me that when negative thoughts come in, don't dwell on it. Cut if off. Distract yourself. That cry was definitely necessary but on such a good day, I definitely didn't need to be in bed, crying myself to sleep.
That aside, onto the positives!
I've finally signed up to the leisure centre and I've been going for pilates a few times a week. The view from the centre is absolutely beautiful when the sun's out so I've actually been enjoying my 30 mins walk there. I've also tried out a bodycombat class, the thought of it was a bit nerve wrecking but I had so much fun so that's now on my list. The classes have generally kept my weekdays quite occupied and I've gotten into a habit of texting Jaja over dinner. I've also finally reached out to Bassel so now I've reconnected with my favourite person in Edinburgh. We had a sunday roast last week and I was just out with his friends yesterday.
In addition to all of this, due to my life long motto of no regrets, I've managed to somehow secure my first choice wedding venue (which was previously fully booked for the year!). I had gotten so excited about it I immediately did a feasibility study including a comparative analysis with the previous venue, made my parents and sister view the site immediately and got it all confirmed within 3 days. Now that the easy bit is sorted, my mind for the whole week was filled with flowers. I don't know what I want my wedding to look like and to be quite honest, I don't think I'll ever know. I knew that this was going to be the most stressful bit and had purposely left it so that KAisyah can do it. She's willing to help but now I need to convince her to make the decision for me.
Right, it's getting a bit chilly now and I'm starting to feel a bit better so I'm going to wrap up and head home.
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