Tuesday, May 22, 2018

Selfish Decisions


I recently made one of my biggest and most selfish decision ever. Do I regret it? Not yet. Will I? Probably not. When I went to the career fair, I questioned myself a lot. I kept on thinking how every single decision I make is for my own personal interest. I applied for certain jobs because I knew that I would get more from those opportunities. I also straight out said no to people asking me to contribute back to the society (through teaching) because I knew that it would not give me any direct benefits.

So then I wondered what is the reason of me being sent here? (I'm not self sponsored) I'm getting tonnes of money spent on me every year since college. And where is all that money going to? To the development of someone who in the end, prioritises herself and not the development of the country.

And so I asked around. I wanted to know what other people felt about this. I asked them questions like do they feel as if they've contributed enough, do they feel that they're worth the investment, do they feel like they've met the objectives of them being sent here. Out of the many people that I asked, only two said no.

Initially, I got upset, I wasn't happy about how they also make decisions based on their own selfish reasons but at the same time, they can believe that they're still worth the investment. Because I wasn't able to. Whilst I don't feel as if the money has been wasted on me, I felt like someone else, who has so much love for the nation would've been more suitable to get this kind of opportunity.

But then I've realised that we are all just humans. We try to grab every single opportunity that we can, whether it's for own benefits or for the benefits of something else. We don't know where that opportunity will take us. In the end, we're all just going through doors that would open, to places we don't know where it leads to.

And so, I don't feel bad anymore for feeling selfish. The 'selfish' decisions I make now might just benefit more people in the future. It might not. I'm not God so lets just enjoy life and see what's to come our way.

I'd like to thank everyone who answered my questions, who tried to make me understand things in their perspectives and for allowing me to see the bigger picture.

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