Sunday, November 12, 2017

Scared of Meeting People

The thought of having to meet someone new or someone I'm not close to scares me. I normally wouldn't just go up to someone (who aren't my friends) and talk to them but when I do have to, so many things will go around in my head. I would plan out the conversation, the way I approach them, how I would say hi, what I would do with my hands, whether I would stand or sit, how casual or formal I should be. It scares me. It usually takes me ages to just gather up the courage to talk to them.

It's the same through email too. I take so long to write emails because I just need it to be perfect. I would write, rewrite, get people to check it for me, get people to improve it for me, get people to proofread it for me and all just to confirm a meeting. But bit by bit, I'm improving. Since I started working, I've had to write quite a few emails and I don't take as long as I used to. I still use my mentor cum best friend when I'm unsure but I get less nervous before sending out emails these days.

This leads to a story of last week when I decided to email an academic staff without thinking through.  I wrote the email, read it through once and on the spur of the moment, sent it. I freaked out. Not only did I email her without thinking twice, I also initiated to meet up. But you know what, it wasn't so bad. I met up with her, we discussed about the entrepreneurial culture in the university, she referred me to someone and immediately after that, I emailed my manager/supervisor to set up another meeting.

I'm guessing that things get exaggerated in your head when you're nervous and think too long about it. So, if you have an unsent email in your inbox that you're too scared to send to someone because you're asking them a question or asking them for help, read it through once and just press the send button. If they don't answer your email, then it's not like you haven't tried. 

However, when it comes to meeting people... I still take ages to convince myself to just go and talk. But try convincing yourself nothing bad is going to happen. The other day, I approached someone in the co-working space (took me days, though) because I see her all the time. I didn't die and I gained a new acquaintance that I now say Hi to every time I go in for work. 

Life



Because it's the weekend and I'm tired of the Diamond, I told myself that I have to go to the park while the sun is still out and before it starts getting cold. So I did. I spread my mat out at the Botanical Garden and sat on it - the coolness from the grass went through but because the sun was out, it wasn't too bad. I managed to finish another chapter of a book I just bought from Amazon - Secrets of the Tomb: Skull & Bones, the Ivy League and the Hidden Paths of Power. Unfortunately, an hour later, the clouds started gathering up in front of the sun so I had to leave. However, I felt so much better after getting some fresh air. I felt more alive, I felt revived. I hope there won't be a day when I can't go out to the park or the woods when I need it. 


Wednesday, November 8, 2017

First Breakdown of the Semester

I had my first breakdown of the semester this week - on Monday, at the Diamond. Fortunately, it wasn't during the peak hours and I had my buddies with me which was comforting but embarrassing. The reason? I haven't had time for myself all week since last week and the workload was just getting to me. But I bursted after I submitted my reciprocating engine quiz and got it wrong. 

I think things get tough when you have goals that you want to achieve but bit by bit, things happen that makes you feel like you can't achieve them. It will make you feel incompetent, dejected, useless, regretful and that you are just not good enough. But look at it at a bigger of point of view, you've gotten so far to get to where you are today. 

So, are you really incompetent? 
Is there nothing at all that makes you happy?
Are you sure you've never been useful to anyone before?
Isn't there anything that you don't regret doing?

I've realised that talking to people helps. I was lucky that I had my friends with me when I broke down. Hannah bursted out laughing when I started crying - but so did I. I was confused as to why I was crying. Amir and Zafran were even worse! They ignored the whole situation after Hannah told them about it. But Hannah talked to me, she reminded me that there's more to everything than just getting the answer to the quiz right. Amir talked to me too, he told me that I can do this and I can get through this. Zafran just told me to stop being a baby. But in it all, I think sometimes, all you need is a few words of encouragement to keep you going because you've gone so far to just give up. It's okay to cry, guys. 

Besides that, I have recently realised that I'm starting to really be open about the troubles and problems I'm facing. Back then, even though I am a complainer, I used to keep things that really bothered me to myself. Would never tell anyone (especially someone that isn't a peer) about my insecurities or any really personal problems that I'm facing. Particularly, the ones that I think people would feel as if it is petty. But today, instead of keeping it all to myself, I went to my supervisor and I told her that I was lost. I couldn't see where I was going, I feel like I'm behind, I couldn't see how my project is even related to engineering and I don't get why I'm not good enough for the grade that I'm trying to achieve. THAT IS THE BEST THING I'VE DONE THIS SEMESTER (as of now). 

As a conclusion, if you're facing problems, seek for help. It can be a counsellor, it can be your parents, it can be your supervisor, it can be your tutor, it can be your friend and it can even be a stranger. Talk to someone, if they offer a solution, think about it. If you're not happy with the solution, talk to someone else. If you're afraid that people will talk about your problems to other people, then talk to someone like a counsellor or your tutor. 

If you feel like life is being really hard on you, I hope you'll talk to someone and I hope that it'll help you as how it helped me. 

Updates!


Studies

My final year is getting to me and I feel like going back to third year. On Monday, I had a very interesting assessment day for Tribology where we went to four different stations with different components to analyse the wear mechanisms and suggest ways to reduce the wear. I got my results for it today and I'm happy about it. I'm still not over the Engine quizzes that I keep getting wrong, though.

Work

I had to change my shift from Monday to Friday so I hope to get more done towards the end of the week. I will also be doing 'Pitch Your Way to £1k' next week so check it out and join because, you'll get a free drink and the possibility to get £50 or even more, £1000. Basically, you have nothing to lose.

Life



I had dinner with my friends and my new friends - that I forced to become friends with me just because they live in the same house as my friends. 

I've been thinking about how I've been here for 2 years and I haven't really used my opportunities well. There are so many experts in so many different fields that are literally just a walk away and most of them are happy to talk to you about what they know. Therefore, I decided to just go for it. And because of that, I'm meeting a lecturer tomorrow to talk about the entrepreneurial culture in the university. I am extremely excited about it, especially because I'm really interested in the topic and I have so many questions that I just want answers to. I do hope that it will go further than just me getting answers to my questions but I'll update on that later.


Also, I bought myself a Leuchtturm notebook which I hope will stop me from forgetting things and will sort my life out for me. It's new so we'll see how it goes towards the end of whenever.

Friday, November 3, 2017

Bought a domain name!


If you're up to date with me, you'd be able to see how this blog can be accessed through asmahamid.com! I've been wanting to have one since forever but I always felt that I did not want to waste my money. Little did I know, it's not that expensive or difficult. It did take me quite awhile to decide and figure it out, however.

It all came about when Sus said that she wanted to get one so I decided to search it up. I texted my family saying that £10/year wouldn't be too bad but Dad helped me search around and he found cheaper options. I then realised that there are more services out there that's related to this new world I'm trying to explore. Below are a few things that I understood from the 'research' that I did before getting a domain name:

a) Domain Name

Basically just your basic www.xxx.xxx. It's just a name - that's it. To register, registrars will take care of your domain registration and renewal, so you pay them for the service. You're unable to do it directly with ICANN (the people handling all this) because you basically just can't (refer below).

Source: ICANN

Registrars like GoDaddy and 1&1 will charge you very cheap for the first year but then the price will increase significantly for the years after. Compare registrars and decide who you want to go with, I obtained the chart below from Cosmotown.com.


b) Hosting

A hosting service is basically a 'space' given to you by the provider. You can do whatever you want with this space - including making a website but it does not provide you with the service to actually create this website - just the storage space. Provided that you can build a website from scratch or you have a web developer, this would not be a problem. However, if it is an issue, the next section is handy.

c) Website/Website Builder

A website builder is a platform or a service that provides you with tools and templates to allow you to create your own website without having to excessively code. Wordpress, Wix and many of the registrars in the chart above provides this service.

In the end, I decided to go with just getting a domain name from 1&1 because:
  • I don't know how long I'd like to keep this domain name - basically doing a one year trial run (I'm paying £1/year this year - would pay around £14/year for the years after)
  • I am too busy to be making my own website (because assigning the domain to this blog is already a little bit complicated - this is how)
  • I am already on blogger and it allows to me to have my own domain name linked to it - for free
  • I don't want to be paying a lot for something I'm probably not going to use (hence, I did not go for the web hosting service/website builder)

Life Update!


Work

My initial project got scrapped (by me, as advised by Liz) due to the fact that international students under a Tier 4 visa are not allowed to engage themselves in any business activities. This includes selling/trading things on any kind of marketplace (ebay, etsy and etc.) You will be deported if the home office finds out that you're 'self-employed'. This would mean that my platform would only be available for home students which isn't very ideal.

However, Liz did help me come out with other plans which involves skills exchange. After a few days of thinking, I decided to have a main project of creating a platform to aid skills exchange and a subproject which is of a skills showcase. But because the skills showcase will be big enough on its own. I'll be writing proposals for two different projects. YEAY?

Studies

I'm half way through the semester and I'm overwhelmed by the amount of work that I have to do. My final year project is starting to really speed up so I'm trying my hardest to keep up with it. I've been spending my whole Monday and Tuesday night doing my FYP but it really isn't enough time. Besides that, I have 3 different assignments to also do. It's starting to get really difficult if I must be honest. Last year, I took a lot of modules that were 100% exams so now I feel like I'm in second year again.

Life



My best friend came over from Germany for 5 days! We went to a Halloween Party that played KPOP which was SOOOOOOOO FUUUUNNN. We also watched an Alice in Wonderland show (thanks to Mick for telling me). Unfortunate that since she has gone back, I'll be back to staying at home every single night. Syaza was really lazy so we stayed at home when we were supposed to be going out of Sheffield. But honestly, because we stayed at home, we managed to catch up and have a lot of discussions about life. She also got to meet all of my friends that I've always talked about so that was interesting.