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Sunday, September 27, 2015

Miss

I was sitting and thinking on the sofa in Holberry (our 'other house') when I suddenly blurted out that I miss Malaysia. Everyone then questioned me on how I can only feel that now when they missed the country right when they arrived. Maybe I missed it ages ago but I didn't actually feel that I miss it because that seems to happen a lot to me. I don't understand how my feelings and emotions work to be honest. I might be upset, depressed or lonely but I really won't feel it until my body acts on it (like being ill).  It has, however, been a good week. Settling in was easy and I feel myself becoming less and less childish.

I met my tutor group and they were alright; my tutor is a lovely Italian lady! She was happy to be getting two girls as her tutee for the first time. Together, we made a marble run out of card and tape and the marble managed to complete its course which was brilliant! Immediately after, we went out to our university's merchandise shop to get our own uni hoody which is by the way mega comfy! I would like to get more but money's an issue right now. Not really, but I have yet to open up a bank account and the earliest I can do that is next Wednesday.

For the last couple of days, we've been hanging out at Holberry a lot. We have breakfast there and would stay until noon because they have a living room where all of us can show off how much of a social outcast we can be. But we did play basketball together yesterday morning and that was fun. It was chilly outside but refreshing nonetheless.

Today's plan is to go to a carboot sale at Mongomery Terrace Road for the useless things we feel like wasting our money on and after our other course mate arrives from Manchester, we'd be heading to Meadowhall for the things we couldn't find at the carboot sale. Pretty much living an alright life but I have friends who are already walking and hiking on hills and I would love to do that but couldn't just yet.

I've been skyping/facetiming people back at home a lot since Eid mainly because everyone is at home for the holidays. I even talked to my grandparents which was pretty cool! It seems as if every time my parents go to Muar, seeing my grandparents wouldn't be a problem. It was a booster but I'm pretty sure that it was also what made me miss Malaysia. But I honestly wouldn't like it any other way so Skype or Facetime me often.

Monday, September 21, 2015

Settling in

It has been about twenty four hours since I arrived in Sheffield and oh has it been a long day. I am currently fighting of the jet lag and the headache that's building up. The plane ride was smooth, no turbulence happened except for this one baby who kept on crying but who am I to judge. Arriving at Manchester airport, went through immigration smoothly but when I wanted to go through custom, for a scan I suppose, I got stuck in the cubicle and I had to get the woman to open it up for me (you're supposed to go through it smoothly). We were greeted by Kak Amira who brought us all the way to our house where we settled down and met the other Kakaks. They made us tom yam and that was lovely.

Going up to mine and Hannah's flat, we decided on playing rock paper scissors to see who'll get which room so we got into one and did just that. I got the room facing the back but that's alright. I now have a walk-in closet and a bigger room than the one I have at home which is amazing. I settled down a bit, kind of, with me going in and out of Hannah's room and once everything was done, I came back into mine and literally just collapsed on the bed.

Woke up kind of early in the morning but forced myself back to sleep just to get my body clock used to the time zone. Unpacked everything and I'm all done with my room just that I still need to get hangers for my closet and some other things. Kak Diyana (I think that's how you spell her name) brought us to the Octagon for our first talk and we got through the day by following our other course mates around for our registration. The British weather welcomed us well with it being not so cold earlier in the morning to it being freezing in the afternoon and lets not forget how it drizzled a second and didn't the next. Walked up to Goodwin without Hannah (YEAY?!) and talked to other people whilst walking up, bear in mind that she did the same so it wasn't me ditching her. But it is pretty saddening how everyone we met are in their first year.

We then went out to town with Kak Diyana and it was a mega far walk. Bought a whole load of things and ended up taking a taxi back home. Coming back home, I bought a top-up voucher for my phone just to realise that I lost my sim card together with my sim card slot. I found it amazing how I didn't really fuss over it like how I usually would. Is that me becoming mature?

People aren't replying my messages and now I hate being in a different time zone.

Thursday, September 17, 2015

48 hours and a bit

It's so hard to accept that I have a little bit more than two days left here. And as hard as it is for me to accept that, a person told me that it's harder for my parents to accept that. Soon, I will no longer be a car trip away. I can't just call my parents and tell them that I am ill, expecting them to appear right before my eyes a day after. Soon, I wouldn't even be able to call my parents whenever I'd like (as if I call them a lot anyway). Soon, I wouldn't be able to go down to the food my mum made or the ones my dad bought. And unless I come back within the 3 years I am supposed to be away, I'll be missing all the jemaah prayers with my family, the car trips, the holidays, the birthdays, the jokes and the love.

Someone told me that showing sadness would lead to more sadness. And as much as I'd like to bottle up and ignore my feelings like how I would often, it just isn't possible this time. This may come out selfish but I want to tell people that I'm sad, that my heart is so heavy when it comes to leaving, that I am going to miss all of them, that I do not have the heart to let go of any of them but really, how much of my feelings can I express before breaking down.

And I fell asleep as I typed this out.

Sunday, September 13, 2015

Filled

It's the 14th of September, five days to go and I believe that those five days will pass in a jiffy. My schedule from tomorrow up until Friday is pretty much packed with trying to get my departure settled and with meeting the people I need to meet before I leave. Will be settling the things I am planning on bringing and the documents I will need tomorrow. Then I will be carless for the rest of the week, which is alright since I need to pack my bags and clear my room up. Will reserve up my Friday morning to see my teachers from school and that is it, I shall leave with no regrets, hopefully. 

Went to Muar for the weekend to see my extended family before I leave and to have a kenduri. For the first time ever, I was involved in the preparation for a kenduri and oh was it fun. Non stop playful disses from my uncles and aunties about how bad I am at cooking and cousins annoying me to the fullest. But when else am I going to get to experience all of that after this. Hugged and kissed my grandparents for the first time with a reminder not to get married in the UK and to come back next year.  I've got to say, it seems as if I'm a bit stronger now, as tears welled up in my eyes, it was able to somehow go back in again. 

Thursday, September 10, 2015

counting days

Worked hard for two years so I could leave but now that the date is coming closer, the excitement of leaving is absent. Thinking about the people I'm leaving behind, the three years that people will spend without me, the childish and immature me that couldn't follow along, the events that I'll be missing out on and the memory of Asma that is embedded in peoples' minds.

Who will I be in three years? Will I still be close to my parents? Will I still be able to laugh along with my siblings? Will I still be able to meet my friends and not feel awkward? Will I still be as tight to my GEL family as I am now? Will I be able to come back home and feel as if it's home? Will I still recognise your face? Will I still remember your name? Will I still be the Asma that you once knew?

Who are you kidding, three years is a long time.